undiscovered soul

i don’t want to go back to school. i don’t want to. because then i can’t hide anymore. because then all of my wildest fears will come true. things aren’t going to be this fantastic parade like i dream it will be. nobody appreciates me, everyone is going to go on without me. i’m not creative. i can’t fucking write anything anymore. all of my stories are silly. i’m going to fall back into that corner. that stupid corner of everybody’s lives that everybody sticks me in because they need me there. because it’s convenient. i’ll work my ass of and get no credit for any of it. i’m not as fantastic as those ego-bloated people out there. they get my credit because they are anyone but me. i don’t want to go back. i want my friends, but i’m scared that they aren’t going to be my friends. that as usual something tragic or petty will occur and i’ll be left in the rubble. i’m good at cleaning up things. other people’s messes. i’ll deal with this dirt and dust and broken pieces while you go on with your world. i don’t want to go back. i don’t want to face the music. i want to stay where we are beautiful.